Jan 6, 2016

26 Things Every Buyer Thinks When Looking at Horse Videos

by Kim Ablon Whitney

1. Please stop trotting.  I've seen your horse trot plenty.  For the love of Pete, canter and jump!

2. I really hope this is the one.

3. Canter already!

4. You think this horse is worth how much?  Was that a typo?

5. I need a great horse and I'll never find it.  If only I had the money so-and-so had, I wouldn't be looking at my 100th video today, I’d be out riding my amazing new horse.

6. If this horse doesn't canter in the next ten seconds, I'm clicking ‘off’.

7. Wait, what if I click ‘off’ and miss the most amazing jumper ever?  Maybe everyone is getting impatient and we’ll all miss this amazing horse and if I just keep watching a little more I’ll find this horse is the next Brunello.

8. Come to think of it, this horse sort of looks like Brunello.  Well, only it’s gray.

9. I wonder how firm they are on the price.

10. It's cantering!  That's progress.

11. Did I say Brunello?  What the heck was I thinking?

12. Will my trainer like this one?  She’s hated all the other videos I’ve sent her.

13. Where is this horse located again?  Is it worth driving that far to see it?  What if I don't go and it's amazing and I could have won with it at Devon?

14. I'd really like to win at Devon.

15. Does it look like it's a little off going to the right, or is it just bad footing?

16. Where was this video taken—in a wind tunnel?

17. This ad’s been up a while.  Does that mean the horse is terrible, or just hasn't been discovered yet?

18. Jump already!

19. I swore I wouldn't get another gray.

20. God, I love looking at horse videos... It's like window shopping.  If I find a horse, what am I going to do with my free time?

21. Please jump.

22. I need to cook dinner.  I also need to pee.  What am I doing still sitting here?

23. Did the description list the USEF number?  Please, people, make my life a little easier.

24. I've probably spent three hours total looking at horses online today.  I just hope my boss didn’t notice the two hours I spent doing it at work.

25. I should probably do something tonight besides look at more videos.  Like get a social life.

26. Wait, it's jumping!  It's finally jumping!

Kim Ablon Whitney is a USEF 'R' judge and the author of the Show Circuit Series.